I was a mess before I met you. I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of and before I realized I told you all about it just like that. And honestly I still am a mess, but you accept it all without any condition, without any judgement, and that is probably why I fall for you. because maybe, despite all the things i've done, all the shit i've been through and to have one person to be able to love me and embrace me, is such a blessing to me.
But you know, there's this thing where all human beings can't help feeling, the feeling to always and constantly feel of being not enough. But I think to myself, how is it our fault tho? Everyone wanted to feel love, feel secure and feel enough. No one can't help feeling that way isn't it? sometimes I myself feel like if i'm asking too much. But you know, i get it. I know you don't need to be acknowledge to feel loved, you don't need validation from someone else to feel love, but is it so wrong to feel that way? is it really too much to ask?
I was definitely not one who needs validation all the time, especially from someone else but somehow i became this way after I met you, who I think worth fighting for. I became this person who's constantly asking for validation, who's craving for so much of your attention just to feel okay, to the point i think it's an obsession, to the point i feel so worthless without you, to the point i feel like ending everything that's happening and don't wanna feel anything at all.
And to the point,
I feel like a burden to you
I feel like i'm blocking your future
I feel like i'm bothering you
I feel like i'm such nuisance
I feel like you should've never known me, so you could be happy
I feel like i should've never love u in the first place.
So, you can be free and actually be happy, even if it means I'm gonna be miserable.

I became this selfish and self centered person.
I became someone I thot i'll never be
I became so insecure, that I hate myself all the time
I became so vulnerable and most of the time
I wish you could've met someone better than me so you don''t have to deal with this messed up me.
I felt so sorry you all the time that you have to deal with this version of me.

I don't know it's gonna be this hard,
I don't know this side of me would show up
I don't know that I could love someone so hard
Truth is I don't know anything, until I met you.

I was so sure we could have a happy ending, but right now I'm no so sure anymore if I'm doing all the love by myself.
But i guess it's karma, I was always the one who receive. maybe this time God wants me to feel how it's like to give all the love by yourself.
I wish, loving someone wouldn't be this hard, but I guess it wouldn't be called love if it's easy.